Once I had an unrequited love and I suffered fittingly. It took 2 years from the time I decided to stop the involvement,to finally be free of it.
I woke up every day of the first months in all consuming emotional pain, with no idea how or if it would ever end.
Looking back on that process, I see that the only way I got over it was to develop into another person. To try to change from within the paradigm which caused the problem in the first place was useless. No act of will could take away the hurt. I did everything I could to help myself get over it- introspection, keeping away from him, dream work, meaningful personal rituals- they all helped. By increments. But it was time and personal growth which changed me and ultimately freed me from the obsession.
Now I can recognise a similar situation coming from a mile away, and I am more aware of the danger. And though I’m not immune, I’ve changed in ways that make me less prone to recreating those types of situations.
I believe that some of the same principles can be applied to larger change processes, which are in essence matters of consciousness change. Many of us are now awake to the worldwide systems collapse taking place economically, environmentally and otherwise.
There is a huge groundswell of counter movements at grass roots level building alternatives to the inefficient mess so much of the world is in today. There are slow food and organic movements, a growing interest in permaculture, Earthships, non- traditional arts, new models for education, medicine, and community. In short, everything which is sustainable, resilient, clean and harmonious, as opposed to the corrupt, soulless, and violent society we’re living in.
It is tempting to refer to all that is wrong with the world as ‘Empire’, and I’m hearing the term increasingly. But I feel it is useless to be against anything because a stance against, creates ‘other’. And that violates the principle of oneness/interconnectedness upon which the new emerging paradigm is based.
I recently read a post by Vanessa at Vivid questioning the point of activism if we were acting against the very systems we work for and gain our sustenance from. We all use and depend on technology for everything from social contact to making art. She saw no way out of this dilemma inside the precepts of the existing paradigm.
Like my healing process years ago, it is rather a matter of slow development out of being the type of person who is totally(unconsciously) interdependently entwined with the existing system, to someone representing and building a new alternative.
This is a process, a slow process. As Jeppe says,in the meantime, we need to learn to live in the heart of the machine- he doesn’t say in the brain, or bowels of the machine, but the heart.
I think that a great thing for us to do would be to become the heart of the machine. We are already doing it, by being aware that we need to change our internal environment first. I know some peace activists, for example, who are constantly at war with everyone around them. So we need to heal our shadows as much as we can so we don’t project them onto the ‘other’. And this peace and friendliness radiates out onto our relationships, we create stable, kind, inclusive bonds. And these reflect out onto our communities and so on.
From there we plant our gardens, create our rituals, help plan programs to heal our communities, write our articles, have our gatherings, create beauty , healing, renewal, together.
It is a cliché, but we can, we must become the change we want to see. When do our views inadvertently cancel someone else’s out, when do we act superior, when do we provoke conflict? I see the need to evolve into the kind of person who carries honesty tempered with kindness, peace as well as critical analysis, willingness to engage to balance my resistance in getting involved.
It is work, it is grace, it is slow, it can happen in a blink.
You meet him (her) on the street, and say hi, and it is clean, free, and clear- you walk on.